The Twelve Days of Christmas Starts Early!
Plus, 5 tips for having hard conversations with clients
5 Tips for Having Hard Conversations
One of my secret vices is reading advice columns. They’re always about conflict, which is the heart of story, and so I can’t help but be drawn to them.
Over and over again, the writers express a desire to set some kind of a boundary – to tell their parents they can’t stay for three weeks, to express to a friend that their behavior was hurtful, to get their spouse to stop stomping all over their hopes and dreams – but they want to do this without hurting anyone’s feelings, or making anyone upset, or otherwise roiling the waters of tranquility, the tranquility being purchased at the cost of the letter writer’s soul, or at least their peace of mind.
I’m a big fan of reaching for your dreams, but the idea that you can somehow solve a difficult problem with another person without having any trouble is an *impossible* dream. I’m not a fan of those.
Why Boundaries Matter
People who don’t know how to have these difficult conversations either ghost the other person (talk about hurting someone’s feelings!) or let themselves get steamrollered. That’s not okay.
If you’re going to offer services for pay, you have to be able to have these difficult conversations without ghosting people or getting steamrollered.
Top Tips for Setting Boundaries
#1: Know your limits. This is often something we only figure out once someone has pushed us past them, but if we can take a moment to figure out what are limits are and to clearly describe them, many problems never even get a foothold. As an editor, this would be very clearly stating what your service will cover and for what fee and by what deadline.
#2: Prepare ahead of time for problems that might arise. What will you do if someone is dissatisfied with your edit? What will you do if someone badmouths you in public? If you’ve thought through some of this ahead of time, you’ll be responding from a stronger position rather than feeling defensive and attacked.
#3: Create templates/scripts for responding to conflicts. I have a boilerplate script that I customize for various asks that I am unable/unwilling to do. So, for example, if someone wants me to “just read this chapter and let me know what you think” for free, I have a script that states I don’t work for free and describes my fees for what they’re asking. Because I feel it’s not fair to people who have paid me for my services to sometimes randomly give those services away for free, I started using the word “policy” in my no, which makes it a less personal rejection to the asker.
#4: Practice with low-risk situations first. It can be difficult to get out of a conflict-avoidant, people-pleasing mindset, but it helps to start small. I recommend starting with a “no” that won’t be that difficult to say, such as to someone you don’t really know (a random stranger in your inbox). Once you’ve said “no” a few times and disaster doesn’t immediately follow, you’ll feel more confident about saying it in higher-risk situations (such as needing to address a problem with a valued client). Over time, you’ll be more confident about saying what you want and need.
#5: Recognize that discomfort is A-OK. You may never become totally comfortable with having difficult conversations with people, and that’s fine. I don’t know many people who are. But the discomfort fades. Again, the more you do it, the more quickly the discomfort dissipates. And because you’re setting and keeping boundaries, you’ll notice that overall you actually have less discomfort in your working life and more happiness.
The Twelve Days of Christmas
Starts Early! (Today!)
NOTE: You can take advantage of the December 25 deal a day early, starting today, December 24, because why not.
First time ever!
In honor of my move to Spain, where the 12 Days of Christmas are a Big Deal, Club Ed is offering special savings each day from December 25, 2024 through January 6, 2025.
Add a note to your calendar so you don’t miss out on the deals you want!
Here’s the special page where you can find descriptions of the deals, links, and coupon codes.
News for Club Ed Members
The next Marketing Challenge will take place from January 13 – February 7, 2025.
We use the Marketing forum for this (found in your dashboard when you log in). Each weekday for a month, everyone does one marketing task, like writing a blog post or creating a social media profile.
We report in each day, share successes and help each other brainstorm solutions. At the end of the month, I randomly select one winner from those who successfully completed the challenge. That person wins a $25 Club Ed gift card.
You don’t have to sign up separately for the challenge, just show up in the forum on January 13!
For more about the membership program, click here.
Upcoming Classes
Classes starting soon:
Beginning Developmental Editing for Fiction, starts Jan 13, 2025
Editorial Toolkit: Beta Reading, starts Jan 15, 2025
Line Editing: Dialogue, starts Jan 20, 2025
Editing for Plot and Story Structure, starts Feb 10, 2025
Beginning Copyediting for Fiction, starts Feb 17, 2025
About Jennifer Lawler
I help editors figure out what the hell they're doing.
If you're an aspiring, new, or established book editor or story coach, I can probably help you learn how to do the work better and more profitably.
Through Club Ed, I offer developmental editing classes, a freelance editor membership program/support group, and a slightly bony shoulder to cry on.
I've worked as an editor for more than twenty years. I learned how to edit in the trenches of traditional publishing with its insane deadlines, pitiless competition, and crushing bureaucracy. To that I added a Ph.D in English literature with a specialization in medieval literature because of a long story.
Editorial clients have included Simon & Schuster, Girl Friday Productions, Glencoe/McGraw-Hill, Barnes and Noble Custom Publishing, and others, along with many independent authors.
For fiction self-paced classes, click here.
For fiction instructor-led classes, click here
For nonfiction self-paced classes, click here
For nonfiction instructor-led classes, click here
For on-demand instructor-led classes, fiction and nonfiction, click here